Subject: I’m Out of Your League

15 March 2017

Dear R,

Just a few days from now, you’ll be leaving for Australia. Recently, you’ve been seeing friends and family. You’re not sure yet for how long you’ll be away from home but I’m sure you’ll miss them. Seeing photos of those people in your life gives me mixed emotions. I hope to meet them one day but then I also dread for that day to come. I guess it’s my inferiority complex because I’m from a 3rd world country that has been colonized by 3 powerful countries before… or maybe it’s just my awful low self-esteem. I don’t know but I am scared to embarrass you in front of other people because of me, of who I am. I am an introvert, you know that. I lack good social skills. Whenever I see photos or videos of you with your friends or family drinking wine, talking to each other in French, I feel insecure that maybe I will not fit in. I don’t want you to worry about it, but I’d be a hypocrite if I don’t admit that I, myself, worry about it. These are the thoughts that make me question myself if I’m really capable of making you happy. Maybe I’ve been too overconfident that I can because I overlooked this aspect. I hate that sometimes, I think about not being the right person for you. I don’t know. 😦 I fucking hate thinking this way. But it feels like as long as I am here and not beside you, I feel like I don’t deserve you. I couldn’t take care of you. And I really want to. Right now, aside from my sister, you’re the person that’s important to me. But I can’t even show you that. What should I do? Why don’t I have the means to be where you are? 😦 Why can’t I be with you right now? Why does it feel like I don’t deserve to be happy?

I miss you. 😦

 Just a few more days and it has already been a year since we’ve met each other. And I’ll be forever be grateful to have met you. All I want is to be where you are… because where you are is where my happiness is. Let’s see each other soon and not let go ever again.




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