15 September 2016
I was watching a movie earlier and it was a bit of drama and natural disaster kind (it was about a tsunami in South Korea). Well, the girl is an orphan in the movie, there’s a guy who likes her but this guy’s mom doesn’t like her for him. She insulted her in one scene for being an orphan. Well, I don’t think I’d get insults like that because I’m an orphan although somehow I’m a bit worried that some people might think that being with an orphan is not a good thing. I don’t know. I guess maybe it’s like being unlucky. Maybe some other people think that an orphan would have no idea how to be a parent because he/she doesn’t have a role model anymore. SIGH. I’m stupid, I actually kind of hate thinking this way but let’s admit it, in some cultures, it’s quite an issue if you are an orphan.
Sometimes, I wonder if there’s someone who’d be interested to adopt me (and my sister), but then that means I have to be a really good daughter to them and I am not so sure if I could be like that. Of course, I’d try to but then I don’t want to be a disappointment again. I just thought it would be nice to have parents again who you can talk to and advise you about things. And to be honest, I miss having parents who are happy to take care of you. I suck at taking good care of myself. I think I am becoming lazy. Maybe because I just have to think mostly about myself. I don’t have too many people worrying about me, I don’t have too many people to worry worrying about me. I want to stop being lazy even if I don’t have parents anymore whom I wouldn’t want to worry about me.
I’m starting to sound complicated. Sorry. I know I should take care of myself (especially my health) and you have been reminding me of that for almost half a year. WOW time flies by soooooooooo fast. I wish you will not stop reminding me of that (I know I am stubborn) because I don’t have many people who’s worried about me and I have to admit, it’s nice to know when someone is worried about you because you feel that your existence matters in this world. It’s nice being taken cared of by someone and I miss taking care of someone. I want you to feel that I care for you and I wish I could make you feel that way in this lifetime. I don’t know if it’s possible but I hope it is.
Anyway, I really should go to bed because I’m sure you will scold me if you discover that I slept really late again. Well, I hope you have enjoyed your movie and the “party” and I hope you’ll be able to get a movie project soon. Take care, R.