31 August 2016
I am waiting for my turn for my ultrasound. I am alone and I am starting to feel a bit nervous about this test. I don’t want to see any lump/s or anything abnormal anywhere. I just want to be healthy. Earlier I had my blood taken for my blood chem test, the results are available at 7 PM, that means I have to go back here another day.
We talked last night but not too long. I was thinking of a video call but then I don’t think I looked decent (LOL). Well, I was really tired but also… I was worried that if I start talking to you about my check up, I might end up crying and I did, a bit; good thing we were on a voice call. I was trying to hold my tears though so I don’t think you heard me crying but I know that you can feel my anxiety because you were trying to tell me that I shouldn’t worry.
I don’t want to worry but I am (I want to be optimistic and I really hope everything is going to be ok). I still have to go to work after this and I don’t want to be worried while at work. There’s too much stress there already so I don’t need more of it.
I want to do a lot of things and I want to go to a lot of places. I want to see you again and I want to finally be with you. I want a happy and normal life, I am tired of too much struggles and challenges, well BIG ones. I am game for petty challenges but I hope the illness and death streak would cease for a long time (of course death is inevitable but for the past 21 years of my life I’ve had 6 deaths in my family that doesn’t include other loved ones yet). All I want is to not lose again someone I love or cause grief to my loved ones.
I want to be able to talk to you soon and tell you that my health is perfectly fine and that I will start to change my way of eating and living. And then maybe we can also start working on seeing each other again. I miss you.😘