Subject: And then you told me “I hate you”

28 August 2016 0430H

Dear R,

We just finished talking over the phone.

Earlier tonight, I went to a birthday dinner (of a friend’s mom) with my sister and her boyfriend. We also went out for some beers which I thought would help me fall asleep as soon as I get home. But the beer wasn’t enough so I have decided to watch a movie while waiting for a message from you. And you sent me a message… then you called. We talked about my worries and told me that you think it’s nothing. You want me to thing more positively about this. I don’t know if you’ve heard me crying but I did. Well, you told me that I need to talk to a psychotherapist because you know the things I’ve been through and you think talking to an expert would help me. I have to think about it though because I don’t think it’s covered in my health card. You even offered to pay for it, well for some appointments but still… I said no. Anyway, you said that you won’t be paying for X years (I can’t remember how many years… sorry. :P) because I have to go there or to Canada or Belgium to see you. And again, you never failed to make me laugh and smile… 🙂 You even said that I’ll take the plane tomorrow to go there (South of France) or come with you to go to where your family is (I would fucking love to!).

But since you were in a party (of a friend), you have to go and of course talk to people, well I know you wanted to stay and talk to me but I know we can’t because I also have to sleep… I can’t remember what I said but you said “I hate you” which I know isn’t true and then you said… “Je T’aime”

“Je” FUCKING “T’aime”!!!!!!!

And I was caught off guard but not for so long, I told you “Je T’aime? You don’t hate me, that’s not ‘I hate you’ ” So I told you to translate it, but you said you don’t know the translation. 😛 You told me that you don’t say it often. And although I tried my best for you to translate it, you just told me to search for the translation, plus, you think I know what it means. Well, I knew I won’t be able to convince you to say it again, I know it was already  a BIG thing for you and I am contented because I know that you won’t say it for no reason at all.

You made my night. I don’t know when you will be able to say that to me again but it doesn’t matter because now, I know that you really like me… OH NO, You LOVE me. :*

You know that I don’t often say it either, but you know how much I like you… I like you too much that I love you.

I miss you. We’ll talk again tomorrow, I can hardly wait. Mwah!

x,

R

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