20 April 2016
i hope you’re ok in Taiwan. i know i’ve been telling you too often how much i miss you. but i really do. 😦 for the past couple of days i’ve been waking up around 7:30 and when i don’t see you next to me, the more i miss you. i love waking up next to you and seeing your face first thing in the morning. i have been alone for a while and having you around for some weeks, it made me feel that i am not alone. i forgot how good it feels being with someone you care about, someone you admire, someone who makes you laugh, someone who challenges you, someone you simply enjoy being with.
i don’t know why am i even writing something serious at this time of the day, you probably just woke up or starting your day. i think i just really miss you here. 😦
to be honest with you, i am scared that you might think i am clingy because i’ve been messaging you a lot. i don’t want to seem that way to you but things are different now, you’re not here and i want to keep in touch with you because i don’t want you to forget me. i believe you won’t. i know you won’t. but i want you to always know that i am always thinking of you. (i even watch your music video – the one you have shown me :P) i miss you. i miss you so much.
i didn’t expect to meet you. but the universe found a way for us to meet. and i must say, the universe is starting to like me. i’ve always thought that the universe hates me… for everything i have been through. for all the loved ones i’ve lost. the friends who has to be somewhere else far away from me. but then again, i’ve met you. but maybe i need to ask the universe to be nicer to me… because i’ve only had you for a month.. and i want more. i want to be with you.
i’ve always been that person who doesn’t want to be a “burden” to someone. i know i’ve said that to you. i wouldn’t want to ask you to wait for me because i know we said that we shouldn’t build our dreams/goals based from the people around us. i know this too well. i’m trying to stick to that principle because i know how it affected me before. but honestly, it’s not too easy when you have found a person you know you want to share those dreams with. i may have known you only for a month but i’ve known myself for years and i know when i want to be with someone. i don’t play around. i don’t sleep around. i’ve always kept myself away from chances/opportunities to be with someone because i know when it’s not the right person. maybe it sounds too confident but i could say that because i know what and who i want. and i want you.
if i was the “old” R, i wouldn’t tell you these things, because i’d be afraid to scare you away. because maybe you would think that i’m crazy serious. but i am serious about what i feel for you. i feel like you feel something for me, you’ve told me that you like me… but R, i don’t like you. I just don’t like you anymore. when you left last monday, you told me that you like me… and i don’t know if you heard me but i didn’t tell you that i like you.. i said that i love you. i can’t explain why, i just know that i do, love you. i hope it’s not scaring you away. i just don’t want to regret one day that i did not say how i really feel. maybe some people, or maybe even you, might think it’s crazy. i guess i am crazy. maybe others would think, “oh, you can’t be serious. you don’t really know him.” but i don’t really care. all i know is that that’s how i feel towards you. i wrote on the notebook “alam mo ba na mahal kita?” and i don’t know if you translated it, but it means “do you know that i love you?”
i know life between us are different. maybe it’s something new to you. everything is uncertain except that we both know that we like each other (and i love you :P) i don’t want to ask you to wait for me or not to fall in love with someone else. i will not ask you to do those things. but i just want you to know how i feel. and if you feel the same way, maybe… we should work on something. this is not going to be easy, but i know it is possible. you just have to let me know if you’re willing and you want to.
i have fears and i guess you do too. it’s inevitable, that kind of feeling. but even normal relationships have that. so, if you’re up to face those fears with me, i want you to know that i am too.
i don’t want to leave things uncertain. i know we should have finalized this before you left the philippines. i guess i was not ready for it. but i have to face this. i don’t want to pressure you or anything, but i just want you to know what you really want. i believe that you also want to be with me, but i want you to be sure of it and consider all the factors around us. it has to be both of us wanting to be with each other. and you need to be sure of it. i don’t want to be your summer fling or your travel girlfriend or your cs friend or your girl of the month… i want to be yours. if you feel differently, i would understand. it would be wonderful if you feel and want the same thing that i do but i don’t push myself to someone. i won’t make you do something you don’t want. but if you feel the same way, i want you to fight for it.
i think it’s not too often that someone meets another person you’re certain you want to be with. i think people should be brave enough to admit that they want to spend their life with that person. so, i am being brave now because i know it doesn’t mean that when i tell you these things, you would say the same things. but i want to be brave because i want to take this chance… a chance to my happiness. you’ve made me and are making me happy, if i could keep you.. why wouldn’t i take that risk, right?
i miss you. and i wish i could see you again soon. i will wait for your reply to this email, just don’t take 10 years. 😛