19 March 2017 Dear R, Tomorrow would be the first year of the day when I first met you. Today I am waiting in front of the arrivals area of the airport… To see you again. You surprised me by telling me that instead of going straight to Australia, you’re stopping by the Philippines. So…
Whenever I see photos or videos of you with your friends or family drinking wine, talking to each other in French, I feel insecure that maybe I will not fit in.
I know that writing this letter could be pointless, but nevertheless I wanted to give it a shot. It’s not like I’d be arrested for something like this. hahahaha
I still don’t know how to talk to you about what you’ve said yesterday, I hope you’re not worried that you made me sad. No, you didn’t… in fact, I am even more in love with you.
I wish I were a happier person. Not the kind that tries so hard to be happy. I wish I could make myself really happy… and then maybe I would never be lonely.
I just wanted to do thousands of cartwheels and backward somersaults. I wanted to scream like a little girl who just saw her crush pass by and smiled at her. It was like… it was my birthday.
I don’t know when and I am not sure if I’ll ever be a really happy person… But what I can assure you of, you make me happy, I want to be happy and I am working on being happy.
I love you
Yeah they love you when they need you
But someday you’re gonna need to
Find some other kind of place to go, oh
I want you to feel that I care for you and I wish I could make you feel that way in this lifetime. I don’t know if it’s possible but I hope it is.
I miss being with you and I hope that you do too. Let’s see each other again, at least in our dreams… for now.
I don’t want to be alone but it feels like I deserve to be alone. I want to love but it feels like I don’t know how to. I want to not give up but I don’t even know what am I holding on to.